Friday, March 8, 2013

Love 101: The 4+1 theory

The reason why there are so many broken hearts, is because people merely jump into a relationship when their heart feels a certain something towards someone. But that's not love, that's merely an infatuation.

There are more than reasons and aspects that actually determines whether we are truly in love beyond the superficial 'I don't know why I love him/her.. I just do' reason.'

The 4+1 theory.

The aspects that will determine if it's true love or just a fickle infatuation. It's based on this idea that whenever we like someone, if we really go deeper into what is it that draws us to him or her, we'd be able to find that one specific reason. That's not love though. That's merely an attraction or infatuation. But when more than certain aspects from this theory are present, you'll be pretty sure that it's more than just a feeling.

Mind. Heart. Body & Soul.

The mind aspect, to put it simply, is intellect.
But not the academic smarts.. it's the way of thinking, processing, analyzing things way beyond a shallow self centeredness. It's the way of putting across thoughts, not for winning an argument's sake, but to really try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting on the words or to challenge themselves to think differently.

It's the way of carrying yourself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm. When it connects with someone and talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, then only then, will it be able to talk about everything else.

The heart aspect. The heart represents who someone is by what he or she values or cares about. The things he or she likes, the things he or she dislikes. What really matters, as well as insecurities and fears.

It is critical for two people to understand each other's heart and learn to accommodate each other's differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. it will be a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.

The body aspect.

The body aspect is but physical attraction, intimacy and presence.

I don't believe in love at first sight. I don't believe you can just 'instantly know' you're in love or that someone's the one just by 'first sight'. In reality, it isn't love. That very first attraction.. is probably lust. Lust at first sight. 

Which is really just superficial physical attraction. The process of loving with someone in involves discovering the person and then perhaps developing feelings.


The deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt or questions as to whether we've truly fallen in love with a person.

It's when you start noticing but still appreciate all the other little things, even the flaws - especially the flaws. It's when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. It's a level of understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the 'perfect' period.

This is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy 'I can't live without you' way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you.

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